As your uncle, I’d like to extend a warm, heartfelt welcome to the world.
I’m so happy you made it… though things here are a bit fucked up at the moment and not only because of an unnamed president who will hopefully no longer be president by the time you understand what narcissism means. There’s global warming, poverty, multiple refugees crises, and Prince is dead. You just missed him. But since you’re a baby, his entire catalogue will seem new for a while- one of many things you can look forward to.
Even with the world in its current state, there are endless amounts of amazing, wonderful, magical things all around us. Like churros. Trust me, you’ll love churros. Though I can’t really tell you where to get one besides an amusement park or the zoo.
As your uncle, there are so many important things I want to tell you and so much unsolicited advice I want to give. But seeing as you just popped out, I’d imagine you’re a bit tired and not in the mood for chit chat. So let’s jump right in...